Oklahoma, CASA for Children, Inc.
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Effects of Domestic Violence on Children
Presented by Crystal Byrd, MS LMFT, Song Byrd Behavioral Health, Inc.
 

How does domestic violence affect children?
 

Repeating the Cycle:

  • Domestic violence becomes the norm for children who grow up in abusive homes, and this makes them three times more likely to become victims or perpetrators themselves.
  • 30% to 60% of perpetrators of intimate partner violence also abuse children in the home.
  • Studies show that rates of abuse are higher among those who experience abuse as a child or witnessed domestic violence.
     

Lifelong Physical and Psychological Effects:

  • Lifelong health problems including diabetes, obesity, heart disease, autoimmune disorders, and cancer to name a few. This can be due to higher rates of substance abuse and/or physical and emotional stress.
  • High rates of depression and anxiety in adults who were abused or witnessed abuse.
  • Higher risk of meeting diagnostic criteria for Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) which was once only associated with combat veterans.
  • Children who witnessed domestic violence are 50% more likely to use substances as a coping skill.
  • Those who grow up with domestic violence are 74% more likely to commit a violent crime against others because they have grown up viewing violence as a rational way to deal with stress and anger.
  • Six times more likely to commit suicide.
     

During Childhood:

  • Chronic stress and trauma impair children's brain development.
  • Early exposure to violence can influence an infant's stress reactivity.
  • Domestic violence can affect a baby during pregnancy by creating maternal stress that can interfere with brain development.
  • Higher risk of learning problems due to preoccupation with safety concerns or brain development issues.
  • Lower IQ, deficiencies in visual-motor skills.
  • Higher rates of ADHD and memory problems. ADHD and trauma have the same symptoms. If the behaviors stem from trauma, ADHD medications will be ineffective. In this case, trauma therapy is required to treat the symptoms.
  • Difficulty forming meaningful bonds with others. Children learn relationship skills from their parents or caregivers. Witnessing an unhealthy relationship model can cause issues with social interaction and romantic relationship.
     

Is There Hope?

Witnessing domestic violence or experiencing abuse does not guarantee that a child will grow up to be a victim, a perpetrator, or have emotional physical problems. Children are very resilient and with early intervention, the negative impact of domestic violence can be halted or even prevented altogether. Some effective counseling interventions include:

  • Trauma-Focused Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (ages 3-18 and their caregivers)
    A therapeutic intervention designed to help children, adolescents, and their parents overcome the impact of traumatic events. For example; traumas related to sexual abuse, physical abuse, domestic violence, community violence, the unexpected death of a loved one, natural disasters, and war. This is not trauma therapy for the parent. TF-CBT is designed for the child.
  • Ongoing Family Therapy
    A therapeutic intervention designed to help repair trust in the parent/child relationship and maintain a safe environment in the home.
  • Individual Therapy for the Victim
    A therapeutic intervention designed to address the victim's trauma and learn what to expect from their children and how to answer difficult questions. 
  • Individual Therapy for the Perpetrator
    A therapeutic intervention designed to assist the perpetrator in coping with any unresolved trauma and terminate abusive behaviors. Treatment for the perpetrator is important because many times a victim will either choose to stay with the perpetrator or reconcile with the perpetrator. Perpetrator treatment is important to end the cycle of domestic violence.
  • Couples Therapy
    A therapeutic intervention for at-risk couples to learn healthy relationship, communication, and conflict resolution skills. At Song Byrd, the first appointment for the male and female are done separately in order to ensure that both parties feel comfortable to answer all questions without repercussion from their partner. A risk assessment is completed during that visit in order to determine if couples therapy is appropriate.
     

Recognizing Symptoms of Abuse

Physical Abuse

  • Pulling a partner's hair, punching, slapping, kicking, biting or choking
  • Forbidding a partner from eating or sleeping
  • Hurting a partner with weapons
  • Preventing a partner from calling the police or seeking medical attention
  • Harming a partner's children
  • Abandoning a partner in unfamiliar places
  • Driving recklessly or dangerously when a partner is in the car with them
  • Forcing a partner to use drugs or alcohol (especially if they've had a substance abuse problem in the past)
     

Emotional/Verbal Abuse

  • Calling a partner names, insulting them, or continually criticizing them
  • Refusing to trust a partner and acting jealous
  • Trying to isolate a partner from family or friends
  • Monitoring where a partner goes, who they call, and who they spend their time with
  • Demanding to know where a partner is at every minute
  • Trapping a partner in their home or preventing them from leaving
  • Using weapons to threaten to hurt a partner
  • Punishing a partner by withholding affection
  • Threatening to hurt a partner, their children, family or pets
  • Damaging a partner's property when they're angry (throwing objects, punching walls, kicking doors, etc.)
  • Humiliating a partner in any way
  • Blaming a partner for the abuse
  • Gaslighting: trying to convince a partner that they are the problem or that they are overreacting)
  • Accusing a partner of cheating and being jealous of their outside relationships
  • Serially cheating on a partner and blaming their behavior on the partner
  • Cheating on a partner intentionally to hurt them and threatening to cheat again
  • Cheating to prove that they are more desired, worthy, etc. than a partner
  • Attempting to control a partner's appearance: what they wear, how much/little makeup they wear, etc.
  • Telling a partner that they will never find anyone better
     

Financial Abuse

Economic or financial abuse is when an abusive partner extends their power and control into the are of finances. This abuse can take different forms, including an abusive partner:

  • Giving an allowance and closely watching how it is spent or demanding receipts for purchases
  • Placing a partner's paycheck in their bank account and denying access to it
  • Preventing a partner from viewing or having access to bank accounts
  • Forbidding a partner to work or limiting the hours that they can work
  • Maxing out credit cards in a parter's name without permission or not paying bills on credit cards, ruining their partner's credit score
  • Stealing money from a partner or their family and friends
  • Using funds from children's savings accounts without permission
  • Living in the home but refusing to work or contribute to the household
  • Making a partner give them their tax returns or confiscating joint tax returns
  • Refusing to give a partner money to pay for necessities or shared expenses like food, clothing, transportation, or medical care
     

Digital Abuse

Digital abuse is the use of technologies such as texting and social networking to bully, harass, stalk or intimidate a partner. This behavior is often a form of verbal or emotional abuse perpetrated online. Someone may be experiencing digital abuse from their partner if:

  • They are told who they can or can't be friends with online (Facebook, Instagram, Pinterest or other social media sites).
  • They are sent negative, insulting or even threatening emails, Facebook messages, tweets, direct messages or other messages online.
  • Their partner is using sites like Facebook, Twitter, or Foursquare to keep constant tabs on them.
  • They are put down by a partner in a status update.
  • They are sent unwanted; explicit pictures and demands that pictures be sent in return.
  • They are pressured to send explicit videos.
  • Their partner steals or insists on being given their online account passwords.
  • They are constantly being texted and made to feel like they can't be separated from their phone for fear that they will be punished.
  • Their partner looks through their phone frequently, checking up on pictures, texts, and outgoing calls.
  • They are tagged by their partner unkindly in pictures on social media.
  • Their partner uses any kind of technology (such as spyware or GPS in a car or on a phone) to monitor them.

No one deserves to be mistreated; online or off. Remember:

  • Partners should respect relationship boundaries.
  • It is okay to turn off a phone. People have the right to be alone and spend time with friends and family without a partner getting angry.
  • Nobody should be required to text any pictures or statements that they are uncomfortable sending; especially nude or partially nude photos.
  • Nobody should be required to share their online passwords with anyone; especially a partner.
  • Individuals should know and closely monitor their privacy settings. Social networks such as Facebook allow the user to control how their information is shared and who has access to it. These are often customizable and are found in the privacy section on the site. Remember, registering for some applications (apps) require a person to change their privacy settings.
  • Individuals should be mindful when using check-ins like Facebook Places and Foursquare. Letting an abusive partner know where they are could be dangerous. Individuals should always ask friends if it is okay to check them in as they could be trying to keep their location hidden from an abusive partner as well.
  • Everyone has the right to feel comfortable and safe in their relationship, even online.
     

Sexual Abuse 

  • Forcing a person to dress in a sexual way.
  • Insulting a person in sexual ways or calling them sexual names.
  • Forcing or manipulating a person into having sex or performing sexual acts.
  • Holding a person down during sex.
  • Demanding sex when a person is sick, tired or after hurting them.
  • Hurting a person with weapons or objects during sex.
  • Involving other people in sexual activities without a partner's consent.
  • Ignoring a person's feelings regarding sex.
  • Forcing a person to watch pornography.
  • Purposefully trying to pass on a sexually transmitted disease to a person.
     

Sexual Coercion

Sexual coercion lies on the 'continuum' of sexually aggressive behavior. It can vary from being egged on and persuaded, to being forced to have contact. It can be verbal and emotional; in the form of statements that make a person feel pressure, guilt or shame. A person can also be made to feel forced through more subtle actions. For example, an abusive partner:

  • Making their partner feel like they owe them (Because you're in a relationship; because you've had sex before; because they spent money on you or bought you a gift).
  • Giving their partner drugs and alcohol to "loosen up" their inhibitions.
  • Playing on the fact that they are in a relationship saying things such as, "sex is the way to prove your love for me," or "if I don't get sex from you I'll get it somewhere else."
  • Reacting negatively with sadness, anger or resentment if their partner says no or doesn't immediately agree to something.
  • Continuing to pressure their partner after they say no.
  • Making their partner feel threatened or afraid of what might happen if they say no.
  • Trying to normalize their sexual expectations: (ex. "I need it; I'm a man.").

Even if a partner isn't forcing a person to do sexual acts against their will, being made to feel obligated is coercion in itself. Dating someone, being in a relationship, or being married never means that you owe your partner intimacy of any kind.
 

Reproductive Coercion

Reproductive coercion is a form of power and control where one partner strips the other of the ability to control their own reproductive system. It is sometimes difficult to identify this coercion because other forms of abuse are often occurring simultaneously. 

Reproductive can be exerted in many ways, including:

  • Refusing to use a condom or other type of birth control.
  • Breaking or removing a condom during intercourse.
  • Lying about their methods of birth control (ex. lying about having a vasectomy or being on birth control pills).
  • Refusing to "pull out" if that is the agreed-upon method of birth control.
  • Forcing a person to not use any birth control.
  • Removing birth control methods.
  • Sabotaging birth control methods (ex. poking holes in condoms, tampering with pills).
  • Withholding finances needed to purchase birth control.
  • Monitoring your menstrual cycles.
  • Forcing pregnancy and not supporting a decision about when or if they want to have a child. 
  • Forcing a person to get an abortion, or preventing them from getting one.
  • Threatening a person or acting violently if they don't comply with their wishes to either end or continue a pregnancy.
  • Continually keeping a person pregnant (getting them pregnant again shortly after they give birth).

Reproductive coercion can also come in the form of pressure, guilt, and shame from an abusive partner. Some examples are if an abusive partner is constantly talking about having children or making their partner feel guilty for not having or wanting children with them - especially if they already have kids with someone else.

Song Byrd Behavioral Health, Inc. Domestic Violence Counseling Programs

Song Byrd Behavioral Health has Domestic Violence Programs to meet the needs of victims, perpetrators, and children. There is hope. The following programs are available at Song Byrd:
 

New Beginnings

  • For the non-offending partner
  • Learn what constitutes domestic violence
  • Identify red flags of unhealthy relationships
  • learn resources and skills to get out of a domestic violence situation
  • Create a safety plan to ensure a safe home
     

Parenting After Domestic Violence

  • For the non-offending partner
  • Learn how domestic violence impacts children
  • Rebuild trust between parent and child
  • Provide stability
  • Appropriate discipline
  • Maintaining a safe home
     

Empowering Children

  • Individual trauma therapy for children 3 and older
  • Family therapy
  • Children learn to express feelings related to their experiences
  • Parents learn to listen and validate their children's feelings related to domestic violence experiences
  • Children learn coping skills to manage trauma reactions to domestic violence
  • Parents learn to create an emotionally and physically safe home
     

Perpetrator Programs

  • 13, 26, or 52-week programs for both male and female offenders
  • can be completed through individual or group counseling, or a combination of both

Resources

Song Byrd Behavioral Health, Inc
(918) 681-4201
www.songbyrdbehavioralhealth.com
 

National Domestic Violence Hotline
(800) 799-7233
www.thehotline.org
 

Beacon of Hope
www.beaconofhomeindy.org

Don't forget to complete your continuing education credit report for each training you complete. This will help to ensure that you are receiving credit for any training hours completed and that those hours are applied to your 12 hours per year in-service requirements.

Explore more domestic violence articles here.

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